Post by henley358 on Aug 3, 2011 23:57:19 GMT -5
By Henley Wilson
Endless Tears
She was crumbling. Her entire life had been turned upside down and she was slowly sinking under the pressure of pain and despair. Hope seemed to disappear and it was as if this depression would destroy her.
She was a normal teenage girl. She went to school, had plenty of friends, and had a good life. At least that’s what everyone saw on the surface. Look deeper and a world of sadness, betrayal, and chaos was found with this girl.
The hardest part to deal with was the rejection of her father. For many years before, her father had used her for his own self-absorbed reasons. Ever since her parents had divorced, her father only wanted her around when it was convenient for him. And when she began to refuse to play his meaningless little games, he found no reason to keep her around, so he shunned her.
Any child would break down with the thought of a parent not caring about them. But that can’t begin to explain how she dealt with this heartbreak. She felt so alone, so helpless, so unloved. She started to think that life had no meaning, that it wasn’t worth living. The worst part was that she didn’t understand why she cared about someone when she didn’t even cross his mind.
There were instances where she felt that it would be easier to just give up and let everything end. Just simple situations like standing outside at school with her friends. She would watch the buses come and go while unloading kids. She would imagine walking in front of the bus and letting it drive her into the pavement. It would be so easy; so simple. It seemed the more she thought about it the easier it would be.
Finally the pain became more than she could take. Once she fell into this darkness, she felt that there was no longer a reason to live. That day she decided that she would go home and finally do what needed to be done.
It was raining outside. The crackling thunder mixed with the flashes of lightning in the afternoon sky. She walked into her house where there was a note on the counter from her mother. The note said that her mother would be working late tonight.
She put the note down and went to her room. She mindlessly clicked through the channels on the television until she became bored. After she turned off the television, she walked into the bathroom, undressed, and got into the shower. She stood under the faucet and let the hot water pour down her body.
She stared aimlessly at the walls of the shower, letting her eyes wander. Her eyes darted from each corner of the walls until they locked onto the rack hanging from the showerhead. On the rack sat her vanilla shower gel, her shaving cream, and her razor. She stared at the razor for a few minutes before taking it off the rack. She held it in her hand, removed the cover, and looked at the blades of the razor.
As she stared at the razor blades, images of her past began to flash through her mind. All the pain and hurt she had kept inside started to flow out of her. She took the razor and pressed it lightly to the wrist of her left arm. She thought about how she had felt nothing for so very long. How she had been numb for too long. She prayed for the strength and courage to press the blade down hard onto her skin. She stood there for a long while trying to allow herself to commit this horrid act. All the while, the images kept coming in sequences with no sign of stopping.
Her heart broke and the sorrow flowed from her eyes in the form of tears. She looked down at the drain of the shower and saw her tears mix with the bright red blood coming out of her slashed wrist. The tears weren’t from the pain she had experienced while she cut herself, but instead were the tears she had been keeping. She felt so helpless and so alone.
However, there was no fear in what she did now. After she got out of the shower, she dried off and covered up in a towel. Before she left the room she took one final look back and saw the blood-stained floor and felt no regret about what she had just done.
She walked into her room, put on her pajama pants, an old shirt, and sat down on the edge of her bed. Her wet hair was messy and tangled and her eyes were red from the tears that still fell down her face. They seemed endless. She sat for a moment, thinking about nothing, just staring at her arms. She soon came out of her trance and walked down the hall and into her mother’s room. She looked through one of the drawers of the nightstand. She pulled out her mother’s bottle of anti-depressants.
She took the pills back into her room and sat on the bed. As she sat there, all the times she had thought about ending it didn’t seem so insignificant. Before today she could see a reason to go on, to keep living life. Now there was nothing. No hope whatsoever. What had kept her from doing it all those times before was that she still believed that things would get better. She didn’t believe that anymore and didn’t see the point.
She took the pills. She emptied the bottle, threw it on the floor, lay down on her bed and waited to die. Time seemed to stand still. There was only a void of light that led to immense emptiness. She just lay there as the final tears flowed down her face. She knew this would be the last time she felt pain. It would all be over and this would be the last time she crumbled.
Endless Tears
She was crumbling. Her entire life had been turned upside down and she was slowly sinking under the pressure of pain and despair. Hope seemed to disappear and it was as if this depression would destroy her.
She was a normal teenage girl. She went to school, had plenty of friends, and had a good life. At least that’s what everyone saw on the surface. Look deeper and a world of sadness, betrayal, and chaos was found with this girl.
The hardest part to deal with was the rejection of her father. For many years before, her father had used her for his own self-absorbed reasons. Ever since her parents had divorced, her father only wanted her around when it was convenient for him. And when she began to refuse to play his meaningless little games, he found no reason to keep her around, so he shunned her.
Any child would break down with the thought of a parent not caring about them. But that can’t begin to explain how she dealt with this heartbreak. She felt so alone, so helpless, so unloved. She started to think that life had no meaning, that it wasn’t worth living. The worst part was that she didn’t understand why she cared about someone when she didn’t even cross his mind.
There were instances where she felt that it would be easier to just give up and let everything end. Just simple situations like standing outside at school with her friends. She would watch the buses come and go while unloading kids. She would imagine walking in front of the bus and letting it drive her into the pavement. It would be so easy; so simple. It seemed the more she thought about it the easier it would be.
Finally the pain became more than she could take. Once she fell into this darkness, she felt that there was no longer a reason to live. That day she decided that she would go home and finally do what needed to be done.
It was raining outside. The crackling thunder mixed with the flashes of lightning in the afternoon sky. She walked into her house where there was a note on the counter from her mother. The note said that her mother would be working late tonight.
She put the note down and went to her room. She mindlessly clicked through the channels on the television until she became bored. After she turned off the television, she walked into the bathroom, undressed, and got into the shower. She stood under the faucet and let the hot water pour down her body.
She stared aimlessly at the walls of the shower, letting her eyes wander. Her eyes darted from each corner of the walls until they locked onto the rack hanging from the showerhead. On the rack sat her vanilla shower gel, her shaving cream, and her razor. She stared at the razor for a few minutes before taking it off the rack. She held it in her hand, removed the cover, and looked at the blades of the razor.
As she stared at the razor blades, images of her past began to flash through her mind. All the pain and hurt she had kept inside started to flow out of her. She took the razor and pressed it lightly to the wrist of her left arm. She thought about how she had felt nothing for so very long. How she had been numb for too long. She prayed for the strength and courage to press the blade down hard onto her skin. She stood there for a long while trying to allow herself to commit this horrid act. All the while, the images kept coming in sequences with no sign of stopping.
Her heart broke and the sorrow flowed from her eyes in the form of tears. She looked down at the drain of the shower and saw her tears mix with the bright red blood coming out of her slashed wrist. The tears weren’t from the pain she had experienced while she cut herself, but instead were the tears she had been keeping. She felt so helpless and so alone.
However, there was no fear in what she did now. After she got out of the shower, she dried off and covered up in a towel. Before she left the room she took one final look back and saw the blood-stained floor and felt no regret about what she had just done.
She walked into her room, put on her pajama pants, an old shirt, and sat down on the edge of her bed. Her wet hair was messy and tangled and her eyes were red from the tears that still fell down her face. They seemed endless. She sat for a moment, thinking about nothing, just staring at her arms. She soon came out of her trance and walked down the hall and into her mother’s room. She looked through one of the drawers of the nightstand. She pulled out her mother’s bottle of anti-depressants.
She took the pills back into her room and sat on the bed. As she sat there, all the times she had thought about ending it didn’t seem so insignificant. Before today she could see a reason to go on, to keep living life. Now there was nothing. No hope whatsoever. What had kept her from doing it all those times before was that she still believed that things would get better. She didn’t believe that anymore and didn’t see the point.
She took the pills. She emptied the bottle, threw it on the floor, lay down on her bed and waited to die. Time seemed to stand still. There was only a void of light that led to immense emptiness. She just lay there as the final tears flowed down her face. She knew this would be the last time she felt pain. It would all be over and this would be the last time she crumbled.